Being able to control something that used to control you is amazing, and I hope you will get to that moment, where you feel empowered and whole again.
If you’re still in that hellhole — I’m sorry, but please know, things get better, but only after you admit what’s wrong. Only after you accept the help people offer. And only after you treat your illness.
I hope this helps someone.
P.S. This is my story, these are the things that helped me, and I’m not actually recommending anything, just hoping someone can find some comfort knowing it gets better, and that maybe loved ones could understand better, too.